


fear the world on a notecard

by wintae



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Eating Disorders, M/M, Minor Character Death, mild mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintae/pseuds/wintae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bambam buys a stack of notecards on the ride home from the hospital.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fear the world on a notecard

**Author's Note:**

> this was going to be something a little different, but im satisfied with this. also, if you are struggling with an eating disorder, i invite you to come to someone for help, and if you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open! hope you enjoy!! <3s, jasper  
> p.s. crossposted to my got7 lj, markscn

It didn’t start as intentional. Bambam just suddenly decided to fake it. Fake eating. Fake smile. Fake, all fake. 

Bambam doesn’t know when he started it. It honestly started way back when. He was a gorgeous little boy, all puffy cheeks and sweet smile. Back in Thailand, he was rejected by numerous girls even as a child because of weight. It carried on further and further, and when his parents up and moved them to Korea, Bambam knew he had to make himself better. He had to be skinny. 

He would not eat whenever he could, and the rest, he turned to fingers scraping the back of his bulimia-wrecked throat. His parents didn’t notice, just complimented him on keeping his weight in check, until he got to Korea. The end of the first week, they went to a restaurant and Bambam just faked his food. 

Talk, shove, raise to lips, laugh, talk some more, talk a lot, shove the food around your plate and cut it into pieces without eating them as your fake-ass smile fools them. 

On his first day of school, Bambam was sent with a bagged lunch that he threw away on the way to the bus stop, in a neighbor’s trash can, so his parents wouldn’t check. He’d been so careful, he is so very careful. 

His parent found him throwing up with tears running down his face one night, less than a month after they moved to Korea, and they sent him over to an inpatient program. They hugged him tight until he was pulled from them, murmuring “I’m sorry”s in his ear. 

His time there wasn’t too bad. He met some other guys going through similar stuff, like Youngjae and Jinyoung. Neither went to his high school, but Youngjae said he knew one guy who went to his high school. He said he’d ask him to look out for him. Youngjae left a few days before Bambam’s program was over, but they promised to reach other by email and texts. Bambam regretted what he had done to himself, but he was grateful to have found such great friends.

Also, a couple days before Bambam left, Jinyoung told him to keep a diary or something. To find a hobby. Hence, when Bambam was released from the hospital, Bambam asked his mother if they could stop at an office supply store. Inside, he picked up a pack of glittery pens and found a stack of notecards with blossoms on the corner. Bambam was altogether satisfied and they went on to home. 

After a half week of rest, it was time for Bambam to go to school. He had passed his time rereading some of his old favorites, catching up on homework (per his mother’s request), dyeing his hair blue (per his request), practicing his Korean and hangul with Youngjae and Jinyoung, and eating with his parents. His eating habits weren’t perfect, but they were definitely on the road to better. Bambam was proud of himself when they stated he had gained a good amount of weight. It was an ongoing battle, but Bambam was sure he’d win. He had to.

Here, Bambam stands, with broken Korean, still unhealthily thin, back at the place where he didn’t have anyone to lean on. He’d made a couple nice friends, like Nichkhun, a senior who was quite friendly and also spoke Thai. Nichkhun was very busy, and had multiple friends. Bambam was only a sophomore. None of the friends he made had a huge impression on him. He was alone, mostly. 

“So, pretty boy,” said Chanyeol, a junior with a reputation of being all bark and no bite. “Where have you been?” 

“None of your business,” Bambam mutters, shoveling through his locker for the correct book. If only he could find the correct book, then he could just walk away from Chanyeol. 

“Oh really? I bet that-”

“He said it was none of you business, now get lost Chanyeol,” another voice piped up. It was medium pitched and belonged to a face that Bambam had seen in passing, or in class, and Bambam cracked a small smile when Chanyeol shot him a look and scurried away. 

The ‘get lost’ boy scratched his head and turned to Bambam. He had silver hair styled, well, stylishly. He was fairly big, with a large smile that was warm in as many ways as possible. “Hey, I’m Yugyeom. You’re Bambam, right? I’d hope so; Youngjae said I couldn’t miss the blue hair. 

Bambam shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, yeah. I’m Bambam. You must be Youngjae’s friend; he mentioned you once. Um, thanks. For, you know, helping me.” Bambam thought Yugyeom was pretty attractive, and his words felt like a waterfall out of his mouth. Talking to him was being sat down in front of your lifelong crush, but ten times worse, because you hadn’t even made an impression yet. 

Oh fuck, if he’s Youngjae’s friend, then he knows. 

Bambam squeaked and scurried away, leaving behind a confused, albeit amused, Yugyeom. 

When sitting down and eating lunch, he noticed someone standing in front of him. Someone tall. He looked up to see Yugyeom smiling at him. 

“Hey, mind if I sit with you?” he asked, still beaming. Bambam nodded in response and scooted over to make room. “Youngjae wanted to make sure you’re… ok.” Bambam knew the implied words. Youngjae was sweet, and so was his attractive friend. 

They chatted amiably as lunch moved on, about really anything but Bambam’s disorder. It was nice, and he was warming up to Yugyeom. 

He began to really, really like Yugyeom. It scared him a little, but that’s ok. 

Their lives continued like this, Yugyeom eating lunch and hanging out with Bambam when he could. Bambam was so focused on having a good time with Yugyeom that he didn’t think too much about eating. He was almost to the doctor’s goal. He was so close he could taste it. 

It was lovely, until Yugyeom kissed him while they were over at Bambam’s house.

Once they kissed, once they sealed the deal on being boyfriends, Bambam started feeling bad again. It was part coincidence, partly the new responsibility of looking nice for his boyfriend. Yugyeom was paying less attention now that Bambam had successfully proven that he could handle his eating very well. Yugyeom felt very proud of him, so when Bambam started going to the bathroom the second he got home from dinner with Yugyeom, no one thought to notice much except that he had a small bladder.

It’s saddening, however, when Bambam goes to family gatherings, his parents boast about how brave their son is, while his stomach growls underneath the table. 

It’s saddening, however, that when Youngjae commits suicide, Bambam gets an excuse to only push his food around the plate during the funeral reception. 

It’s saddening, however, when Bambam collapses and doesn’t get up during school one day, and Yugyeom looks so very disappointed as he carries his boyfriend’s dangerously thin and weak body over to the ambulance.

Yugyeom received an envelope a few days after Bambam had collapsed and gone back to the hospital. 

Written on a notecard with flowers on the right corner, inside the envelope, in sparkly light blue gel pen, was this:

“I didn’t want someone to fix me, I needed someone to hold my hand while I fixed myself. Yugyeom, you were the best hand holder in the entire world. I just wasn’t strong enough.  
Hearts,  
Bambam”


End file.
